AITAH for accidentally saying my best friend’s secret to my bf at the time?

Before you read the rest of the post, I want to clarify something about my character. I’m a trustworthy person, and it’s not in my nature to betray or break anyone’s trust intentionally. I take promises seriously and keep secrets even more seriously. I’m also not the type to share everything with my boyfriend, so doing something like this is really eating me up alive. Honestly, I don’t even think it’s justified.

This happened a few months ago when my friend was going through a very difficult time. She confided in me that it was a secret and that I couldn’t tell anyone under any circumstances. It was something heavy for her, and even though it had nothing to do with me, it was a pretty heavy thing for me to carry as well. (I can’t share what it was because making the mistake once was already enough, but just to be clear, it was pretty bad).

I supported her and kept my promise to keep her secret. I seriously didn’t tell a single soul (as I should have). I also did everything I could to make her feel better. I went above and beyond to make sure she was okay. I did my job to support my best friend in a time of need, though I feel like I haven’t done enough. But the point is, I was there for her.

Like I mentioned, it was quite a heavy burden to carry, so I thought it was okay to confide in my boyfriend at the time to vent about something that wasn’t my business to discuss. However, I made sure not to mention names or anything that could even hint at which friend it was. However he persistently insisted on knowing which friend it was, despite my refusal to reveal who it was, but I kept my promise and remained silent.

However, he continued to dig and dig after every detail. I snapped at him multiple times for thinking that he’s entitled to know something that was none of his business. It was not only insensitive but also completely disrespectful! I’m still extremely angry about this to be honest. He kept trying to get me to say for weeks after that, and every time we had a fight about it, he eventually somehow connected the dots and discovered that it was my best friend. Even then, I didn’t admit that it was her and denied it.

We broke up a while after that. Fast forward a few months after no contact we went back in contact for a bit, during contact he started talking about my best friend and badmouthing her based on what he concluded was her in that story. Again, it was extremely insensitive. Even though I don’t recall telling him and admitting it, he spoke as if he was certain it was her. Just to clarify again, I have an extremely bad memory, so I was shocked. I told him to take that secret with him to the grave. Up until now, I still haven’t fully confirmed that it was her, but telling him to take it to the grave would be enough proof for a normal person.

Looking back, I realized that I probably never even told him that it was her. It was just him making that assumption, and I fell for it because of my bad memory. (It’s not the first time this has happened where he has stated something I never told him about and says that I told him just to get me to admit it or whatever his intention was behind doing something like that.)

Even though I know none of what I said is an excuse, I understand that I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. Honestly, I don’t even know what to do. However one thing I know for sure is that I won’t tell her about this since they don’t interact at all, and it would only cause more harm than good for the selfish reason of relieving my guilt. I swear I had the purest intentions, but intentions don’t matter when I mess up like this.

At the same time, I know that if it weren’t for my ex bf digging into something that’s none of his business, none of this would have happened, especially since I gave zero hints about who it is. I feel like I confided in the wrong person. AITAH for even mentioning it despite my intentions? Is it wrong to speak about things even without mentioning names?