I’m gonna end up watching my crush sleeping with someone else

Me and her are playing in the same band, I’m the bass guitar, she’s the drummer, we both love Nu metal (specifically deftones) and that’s the key to our friendship now, we just suddenly found out that our music taste is the same, and we both got a big big sympathy attack at each other (yeah, deftones makes magic).

After that we started talking about other stuff, so we found out that we both go to gym, that we both love to kill the pain with some joy (like going to the party when you feel shitty and miserable), and the fact that we both are single,

+ we discovered that our mbti’s are istp and enfp, like listener x yapper (im the first one).

I didn’t wanna admit that im falling in love, like i never really did, and I didn’t wanna admit that my first true crush is a girl that is older than me (3 years).

Firstly it felt kinda wrong, but then, my siblings started to tell me

– “it’s just a stereotype, if you really like her, try to date, why not ? In the end it’s just 3 years”.

So they convinced me, I gave up and admited my feelings, so I started thinking about her, telling stories about her to any of my people, I was thinking about her 24/7, we can just say “a classic love story beginning”.

Now look, I’m the kind of a person that doesn’t really like some long romance episodes, I wanted action, I wanted to start all that, so I weren’t really hiding my feelings to her, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t talking like:

– “I don’t know why but i always feel something special about you, like love”,

no, I was like:

– “I will always be with you”,

– “I am always ready to help you”,

– “listen, I’m pleasing and supporting everyone in my life, how can i let YOU alone ?”,

and the most special:

– “You can always talk to me at your hard times, I will always listen, trust me, I’m a true pillow, I’ll listen and stay silent at others”.

As a matter of fact, in the last one I was just trying to get a hug from her, but I didn’t (though it’s not the point).

After that she started calling me “Labubu”.

When I was joking abt my height (I’m 5’7), she always cheered me like

– “that’s not that big of a deal, maybe you’re not tall, but you’re personality surely is”,

she was saying

– “like, I don’t know how to tell, but you’re just cute, that’s the big deal”.

In phone chat she was even more active,

she literally was hitting a heart emoji under each of my messages,

LITERALLY UNDER EVERY MESSAGE.

She was totally spamming it, I thought it’s a pure sign, so I was hitting too.

We also sent each other memes and “bass x drums” type of videos in TikTok.

After all, she was sick few days before, and she didn’t show up at rehearsal, BUT she texted me and asked

– “how was it ? Did I miss anything ?”,

we had some chat, I wished her a soon cure, another heart emoji hit and here comes the next day.

She suddenly texts me with simple jokes like

- “my temperature is 67, what do I do ?”,

I quickly got her point, she never jokes that simple, she wanted to talk, so I went on

– “how do you feel today ?”

She started telling, asking how my day was,

and then she fucking goes:

– “did you notice that every of my crushes name starts with L ?”,

at that moment I immediately remembered that she calls me “Labubu”,

and then she fucking goes:

– “y know, my crush from uni is one of that L’s”

I just go:

– “what ? I would never believe that you have a crush, you’re just the most “I hate men” girl that I know”,

and she says:

– “that’s true, I hate him, he’s too cute”.

She tells me

–“but he’s so introvert, I can hardly make him talk, and I don’t know how to get his attention, could you tell me what I need to do ?”.

I was kinda tired that day and emotions weren’t really filling me, I kinda didn’t really care, so I gave some advices. When I was texting advices, she was texting smth like

- “thanks, my Labubu❤️”,

- “oh, I’ve gotta say, we are sooo besties”,

- “you’re my twin”,

- “I can’t explain, but we’re like magnets, we pull each other”.

- “That’s right ! I’ve killed our previous drummer so we end up being besties together”

Yeah, I did hit heart emojis under each one of that,

but i was (and still fucking am) confused why the fuck she texts THAT kind of stuff ?

Like why’s that romantic energy, what’s the point if you’ll end up with someone other.

How the fuck am I your “magnet” if you go for someone “cuter” ?

And the most killing part,

she texts

– “you know, I’ve told all of my friends abt you, I said you’re like a psychologist to me”

You know, I’ve always thought that the person that is like a “psychologist” to me can only be my partner of life, like she’s the one that doesn’t need a fake smile from me, she’s the one that accepts me, she’s the one that is always around.

i am her “saviour”,

I am her “psychologist”,

but I’m STILL just a “friend”

(well maybe the best friend, but still does not seem right).

Like just fucking imagine her crush’s face when he discovers that she trusts all her secrets and bad moods to be fixed not to him but to some guy that she calls “Labubu”.

That’s not right, I’ll end up either

1. being blocked and ignored by her.

Or

2. getting beaten up by her crush (even if I beat him, she definitely won’t be thankful, still leads to the end of friendship).

Now I’ve got my issues too, i got the “brick” to my face, I literally know that she loves someone else, but I still can’t reject her and let her go alone with that, I just want to be around, I want be helpful and make her happy, to please her, I don’t know if it’s still the feelings, but I truly want her to be happy, even if I’m not the partner.

So what’s my advice request — I don’t know what to do, maybe I have to reject her and stop texting, maybe I still can be around and help her, like there’s no any problem.

But the sub-title is true, I am the “psychologist”, I am the “saviour”, i am the one that “accepts her with her problems”, but I still am “just a friend”, I have all the "partner responsibilities”, but I still am not her partner, kinda gives me the chair and bed meme vibes.

Just for the point, have in mind that I’m 3 years younger, maybe that’s the problem, and yes, we both are young and we’re under 20.

P.S: I will be thankful even if you read all this big fucking ballad.