35 and always struggled with relationships. What can I do to save this?

I was SA'd when I was a minor on more than one occassion. One particular instance made me very adverse to kissing, the same when it comes to sex. Like full freeze response. As a awkward guy in highschool this went just about how you can expect.

There are definitely some things I could have and should have done differently. But this made my dating life hell, I got bullied very badly after an incident where a girl I really liked kissed me and I froze up. That was the last time a girl kissed me that was over 20 years ago.

Ive had a few dates since then but nothung panning out. One extremely abusive long distance relstionship. Things have not been in my favor. Would really love some help.

I try dating groups, dating discord. Try tinder. Lack of matches mostly bots. OF girls (i dont have a problem with people who do OF but getting matched and then yeah im not interested check out my OF though ). Try inperson. Not great results.

Ive misread social ques from women friends (i had a crush on you in high school type confessions from them, then try to ask them to hang out not fuck. Then they are like ew no. This was years ago tho. )

I dont know the "game". When do I text, how often, how soon is it okay to do video calls, when is it too soon to ask for the date after match and convo, right away? 2 days? Etc. It feels like Ive tried everything and for every person its different so I try something else and its the wrong thing so I get unmatched for doing the thing the previous girl unmatched me over for not doing.

I see otherwise people getting engagement and conversation in these groups but my posts get zero engagement after like 5 days.

I genuinely dont know what to do. Im about to be 35 with no dating expierence. I try to talk to women friends where there was kind of a thing at one point but I did or didnt do something. No feedback. Never any feedback. Just ghost.

Im to the point of willing to pay an escort just for a date so I can practice taking someone out no kissing no sex just practice with that.

Please help.

Thank you