My grandmother, who I took care of for some time decided this week to go on hospice. To be honest even though it’s the best option & I hoped she would choose this to be more comfortable, it still hit me like a brick wall. Felt out of the blue even though I always imagined it was the best option. She is someone who is irreplaceable in my life, and I don't believe in heaven personally. So it hit me that this is finite. And that's really scary. However, most of the things that made me cry so hard I couldn't breathe were things like what if I didn't get there in time for her to pass, that there was a Chance I wouldn't be there to sing to her+ hold her hand so she wouldn't be scared. Or how if I had a baby, she would never hold it, knowing how much Joy that would give her. I want her to see me graduate College and succeed.it just feels off, and scary. Anyway, I wanted to do a mixed media painting soon to show how I'm feeling, so here is the sketch I made for it while I was in the thick of it. Something that hit me in the feels while crying, was thinking " it feels like part of me is going with her " and so that's the feeling it’s based on. Was going to post this in grief but she hasn't passed yet or anything.

Dealing with grief through art