One Voice of Reason

One voice of reason

In this horrid abyss

Where my mind is a cavern

Echoing my own inner dialogue

Of guilt, worthlessness, fault, confusion

And lacking in knowledge

My head is still in a loop

Did I deserve Purgatory?

When fighting like hell

One true voice of reason

Someone who I don't speak to all the time

But one who knows what I have gone through

And it was never one-sided

Has cared enough to even ask if I am ok

How I am doing

Thank you Jedi

That is how I shall write here

To think a young person

At least compared to me

Has a heck of a lot more wisdom and experience

But you know what is nice

You actually value my input at times

Cared to engage in conversation

And I still owe you guys and you have my treasure

Lol

Well I never made it to the post office with your stuff either

Thank you for everything

I still keep crying on and off

I so hope we can make it there by summer

I don't know what to do about anything

I really have seemed to have gone off course

And smashed into a boulder

And I can't fix anything

My partner is understanding

But that has been over two decades

You have learned a lot on your journey

Putting in the time and the hard-work

And I am going to try doing what you suggested

And to think...this was supposed to be

A good thing

But I got in the way

The mess of trauma

And living here

Worried sick about someone

Said too much, tried too hard

I don't know

But you know I have bad anxiety

I will try to give myself grace

Even though I feel like I have committed an unpardonable sin

Without ever being mean or truly doing wrong

But for falling apart, believing in something more

And saying too damn much

And now my friend

I am so sad...pathetic really

In Limbo

With eyes that have taken in no info

That has substance

Except for your words

Thanks for being a true friend