Second Chance

I know that every day is a second chance, and here I am at 2:15 am hoping to make my life a little bit better.

I have a lot of achievements and things that people tell me to be proud of, but it feels weird. Not even in a trying to be humble way but I feel like most of those achievements came from me being kind of herded along in school and college and being introduced to things. When I was introduced to them and also made commitments I followed through with those, which is really good, but it was out of a fear of failure.

Either way, I feel like I didn’t truly earn those achievements, especially now post college where I am absolutely struggling to create structure in my life and improve it. I have an amazing stage right now where I am fully able to dedicate myself to improving myself and my situation for the next few years without worrying at all. But I need to make sure that I don’t waste it.

For this upcoming week of March 16th, I will aim to work a truly focused 4 hours every day along with 1 hour of organizing my work.

I have many goals and things that I want to do in life but damn it’s so insanely difficult to get myself to not mess up.

Even if I do alright one week, and I try to add more to the plan/workload I end up relapsing and failing all over again, and I’m not sure why.

But I want to improve all aspects of myself slowly and steadily. I want to learn how different things work for me and why I do certain things and solve my problems.

I want to make sure that I preserve who I am as I do this, I don’t want to become like a robot that is amazing at doing the things that I am focused on but I feel empty and unfulfilled on the inside.

I want myself to succeed.