What did I do to deserve such a depressing fucking life???

I'm 18. I feel like my whole life has been a mess. My dad was trash. He was arrested. My mom was never around. When she was around she was bad too and threatened to send me back to him so he could bash my head in. She got cancer. I was a good kid, I never cried. The next year, I was exhausted though and I started getting bullied more and my grades tanked. She tried to send me to a troubled teens camp when I was in 6th grade and got bad grades for the first time. She hated me. I was told I was an investment no longer investing in. I decided to run away. She said she knew I was planning to and told me she didn't care.

My best friend started getting possessive and aggressive when he'd find out I was hanging out with other guys. One of my friends told him he needs to leave me alone. He listened to the guy and I explained that we just need a break. He got suicidal. His mom and all the teachers I told blamed me for it. His mom started calling my mom, asking her if I'd just be friends with him again and that his possessive and sometimes violent behavior was just a crush.

Then, I thought I found someone who cared about me. I was still getting bullied but a teacher would drive me from school and back to home. She called me her daughter and called herself my Mom. She said she saw how badly my parents treated me and let me into her home. Then she started talking about me sexually and almost fantasizing about things that I've never done with anyone, just to call me "loose". I'd never even been on a date or kissed a boy. I went to the principal about it. She told me I was just being dramatic because my grandma was dying.

My step-dad was horrible. I watched my Nana die and come back to life, screaming in pain. She died for the final time the same night as my dog did and the same night the teacher snapped at me when I told her she was making me uncomfortable. My step-dad was jealous of the attention my nana had gotten before her death. He started treating my Mom like trash and cheating. I stood up for her. She didn't stand up for me. He didn't let me out of my room for a year and the only food I got was from school or when my Mom was home, she'd bring food to my room. I had to watch him mix fancy food for his dog while I was being locked and starved in my room. We started packing in secret because we didn't have enough money to move out at the time.

My Mom pretty much disowned me now. She told me I'm too quiet and don't give her the attention she deserves. She stopped financially supporting me and suddenly, without warning I was left to figure out how I was gonna feed myself.

Three weeks later she agreed to pay for my school which comes with some food and housing but otherwise isn't going to pay for gas or food or hygiene products.

I work until 10pm. I work breaks, weekends, after classes, anything I can do. My weekdays normally look like school from 11am-5pm. I work from 6pm-10pm. I get back at 11pm and go to sleep at 12am. I'm struggling to get my math homework done.

My work cut my hours back for a month and even though I'm getting steady work now again, I'm still recovering from that. I buy my food at the dollar store and sometimes at walmart. Working is genuinely the best part of my life, and when my little cans of spaghetti-o's has that easy top so I don't have to use my broken can opener to hole punch around the can.

Today really just sucked for me and I was looking forward to eating my new can of food but someone took the hot plate off the communal stove so I couldn't heat it up. They're not bad cold. I just wonder what's so wrong with me I have to live like this?

I don't understand what I did to deserve this.

I walked up to the top of the parking garage today after work and just thought about it. I really don't see a reason not to just give up on life. It somehow always manages to get worse.

Sometimes I think about just spending all my money on food. Eating breakfast, lunch and dinner for once and without having to worry and then just ending it all. I just want to stuff myself with food and die. Seems like the kindest thing I could do for myself.