Just need to admit how jealous I am

I need to get this off of my chest somewhere… I’m the third of my friend group to have a baby recent and she’s now 4 weeks. I love her with my entire being and was so excited to be a mom. But she has colic and I am having an extremely different postpartum experience than my friends.

I feel so much jealousy toward my friends who have had such easy/chill babies. They were able to get out of the house, go on walks, travel, ect. They didn’t deal with a screaming baby while people attempted to visit. I hate that I feel this way but it’s true. And I feel so so so alone. I also feel like I’ll never get to breathe and enjoy the small moments of getting out of the house or just experiencing a happy baby. Postpartum is already difficult enough, but factoring in a screaming baby… it’s just too much sometimes and it’s hard not to feel like I did something to cause this, or this is some sort of punishment.

We have done a lot to treat the colic, and she has gotten a little better. But she had a terrible night tonight, so maybe I’m just feeling extra sensitive. I think I just need to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere. How do I get through these feelings of jealousy?