AITAH for constantly ghosting my family member

warning this is long 😅

For context I lived with this family member for a little over a year.. he moved down from another state when my roommate was planning to move out w her bf, so timing was perfect. Shortly after he moved in I got an apprenticeship (unpaid) and was working 90+ hours a week and bartending and door dashing at odd hours to make my rent every month. It was hell but I’m at a better place now bc of it.

Living with him wasn’t a huge issue, there were a few minor things that bugged but nothing major..

until I lost my car to a towing company while I was working and was so stretched thin financially that I couldn’t recover the vehicle. Thankfully my coworker helped a lot w getting me to my apprenticeship job and my family member helped when he could with bartending job but I mainly ubered and just focused on surviving, I never took this family members’ car to work but he let me drive it around on my little time off (so rarely)

I take it out one day and get into an accident, I get T-boned, car was speeding but I was technically at fault bc I needed to yield (this intersection area is notorious for accident bc of the terrible blind spots)

I feel terrible, TERRIBLE!!! I’m extremely apologetic to my family member and tell him I’ll do everything I can to pay him back even given my current financial situation.. he reassures me that his family has money and I don’t need to worry about anything(he’s married into my family, so no, my family is not rich) I don’t take this seriously bc of the immense guilt I feel for ruining his car.. but he reassures me again and mind you my boyfriend is in my apartment while this conversation is happening..

One week later he starts asking about how I’m going to handle the car situation.. I’m confused but my guilt is still so present that I don’t second guess this contradiction and we have a lengthy convo about payment and scheduling and I’m on board but I don’t want my name on the lease because this dude wants a brand new car equivalent in price to his last car and I don’t have any credit. So I tell him I need a little time to save money and work more hours to help with the down payment.. no problem he says since he works from home.

Another week passes and he’s talking about putting me on the lease AGAIN and saying he wants an even nicer car.. red flags are now showing because how is this an opportunity for him to essentially profit off of the situation to get a nicer vehicle off the money I’m giving him and put the car under my name..

Here’s the real kicker after that..

I find out he cancelled the insurance right after the accident (like minutes)??? Who does that??

And he doesn’t even go to the tow yard to sell the car for parts which could’ve helped with the down payment THAT I WAS GOING TO PAY FOR..

Now the week after he tells me that his aunt is saying that he should sue me… I know his aunt and I highly doubted she’d say something like that but it was scary, I’d never been threatened like that..

So I rush to get as much money together since it’s getting close to a month after the accident

I’m stressed, on the verge of a nervous breakdown while this family member seems unfazed but focusing all his responsibilities on me to fix his car situation..

Im burnt and done.. and starting to form resentment, our mutual family reached out to me to assess the situation since he had told them.. I tell them my side and they are in shock at all the info they didn’t know (insurance cancellation/tow yard/aunt suggesting suing/getting a fancier car/& not putting me on his insurance even thought our state says you have to when you sign up for insurance) Im broken at this point trying to do what’s right but I couldn’t help but feel kind of exploited in a way.. our family comes up w a plan and we all talk it out together. At this point I feel given all the information I don’t feel responsible paying for the whole car, I suggest to pay for half, my family member is livid saying he doesn’t feel that’s fair but succumbs.. now I’m paying a monthly fee for his car on a 4 year contract I signed.. we move out and go out separate ways

Later down the road, about a year later I find out that he now has a new car that he got from his grandma in her will and bought a new motorcycle, the car he got after the accident (the one I was paying for) ended up needing too many recalls and no one told me this.. I stop paying and haven’t seen the money back but good riddance I don’t want any issues so I leave it alone bc I feel I did my due diligence in holding up my end of the bargain. Also the family that helped w this situation told me I can’t speak to anyone else in the family about the deal we all made.. weird but I kept my mouth SHUT.. I don’t want any drama tbh

Fast forward to now.. I have a sour taste in my mouth with how this whole situation transpired and I feel since then I’ve been realizing how much of his other behavior was bothersome but I was just too exhausted to notice how often he was taking advantage of me.. (I don’t like holding grudges but damn I’m still kinda bitter and feel immature for feeling this way)

For ex.

1. I took him to a fast food spot and he ordered a meal (burger fries drink ok duh no biggie) THEN proceeded to order another burger and fry and didn’t even finish his food..

2. Another family member gave us a ps4 and some old games so sweet! ( I love gaming but unfortunately didn’t have much time bc of how crazy my life was) The family member I was living with upgraded the ps4 and all the games to a ps5 and then took the console w him :/

3. Talked about how much money he was going to have when his grandpa died YUCK 🤢

4. Couldn’t make rent and I helped him and then complained to me that he’s too tired to work more than 30hrs a week.. while I was working 90+ mins you he’s only a couple years older than me (at the time I was 23)

5. I tattooed him during my apprenticeship and was giving out free tattoos.. he was the ONLY person who didn’t tip me at all.. not even $5 or some food

Etc etc etc…

Okay fr now fast forward.. he wants to get a tattoo from me and I just can’t bring myself to respond to him I just play nice when he’s around to keep the cool w the family

He messages me often and I’m probably doing more harm than good by ignoring him but I really don’t want to shake the boat and tell him I don’t want a relationship w him..

He showed up to my FIRST art show, lowkey uninvited.. but I thought it was a kind gesture until he proceeded to follow me around the entire time talking about his own art ventures and the tattoos HE wants.. like bro read the room 😅 I played nice again as to not insult him and tried to be as kind as possible..

All in all, AITAH for not wanting a relationship w/ him? Also looking for advice on how to deal with the relationship, constructive criticism is welcome especially if you think I’m trippin!! Thank you for reading if you got this far ik it’s a lot