Not Real

They were never real. Not really who you imagined them to be. They were never actually safe people. At least those three.

They should have been. It makes sense that you trusted that they were. But the abuses were there from the start. Little things, invalidation, passive aggressive putdowns, inappropriate behavior, fostering dependence, strategic vulnerabilities to make you trust them. All just a ruse to further their own agendas, or maybe just for fun.

It's hard that most of the abuse, at least from them, has been so... it's so hard to explain to other people. Covert. No one could see it from them in the beginning apparently. I couldn't. Things seemed normal.

I can't believe this was real, it doesn't make sense. Remembering it is like it happened to someone else, labeling these little microagressions.

And everything since, it's like... I don't know why I'm so bad at... whatever. I'm gonna stop talking about it. I wish you had given me a safe space to process all of this, I'm so stupid about posting it online, I've only made my life so much harder and worse.