Im so tired

Im honestly thinking about killing my self just due to boredom and the fact that im just a fucking failure. Im fat , I truly have no friends, Im a virgin and im black. I dont hate being black but fucking god does it make things hard. On top of all this im not allowed to be sad , it feels like im just in the back seat . I have felt the want to kill my self since i was 7 i think i just had enough with life. I dont find anything enjoyable or having LASTING enjoyment