"Just friends who hold hands and find each other attractive"

That's what he said. To my face. After we both listed what we find attractive in each other. This man stole my heart and proceeded to destroy it in one sentence. "I find others attractive, as i'm sure you do too" sadly i don't, sadly my eyes lay only upon him. Yet he fails to see that, he fails to see me yearn for him. We've held hands, we've sat in his car for 3hrs chatting after a 12hr shift, he's grabbed my thigh (with full consent ofc), we've pushed boundaries no one else has pushed with me before (nothing nsfw) yet we're "just friends". He asked what i wanted us to be, my head screamed to tell him the truth yet i uttered the word "friends", when he asked what i was thinking about all shift and my answer was "just, relationships with people" and he pushed i stupidly said "it's personal, maybe another time" knowing all shift i was thinking of ways to confess, thinking of him.

I've been in love before but never this strong. A light touch and him gently saying "excuse me, OP" made me melt, the way his voice is soothing, how his eyes are filled with hope i've never seen, how understanding he is of my boundaries. Everything about this man is perfection, but he wants friendship. Sure he says "you never know what the future holds" but i've followed this path before and i end up hurt each time, regretting telling that person. I fear to feel that regret again but i want to tell him everything, i want to hold him, i want to keep him safe from this world, i want to scream how much he means to me but my words betray my brain each time. I may forever be trapped in this cycle, stuck trying to tell him just to say something different each and every time. It's my burden to carry, a burden i'm tired of.