Today i found out I have a childhood trauma

(20M) I was a perfectionist, constantly trying to fix my mistakes, trying again and again for that "perfection" i didn't know why i was like this until i found more that i ALSO have Low self-esteem and I am what people call a "people pleaser" constantly apologizing and blaming myself (even when im not in the wrong) and when i DO make a mistake i get very scared of judgement and typically avoid that particular person to not make them feel bad. I am also an artist and yeah being a perfectionist and artist sucks and i constantly struggle with Procrastination like yeah i made this work in progress art but was afraid to continue fearing I'd ruin it and when you have no self-esteem you seem to get validation thru external sources like likes and followers and when i didn't get desired amount of engagement i wonder and start to doubt my art so much so that it lead to lack of motivation and and for some time i wasn't creating anything and afraid I'd lose passion for art. I get easily intimidated by others. I have one bad moment and spend time thinking about it all the time. This low self worth was probably also the reason i wasn't able to make any relationships because whenever someone did complimented me or wanted to get in contact with me i thought they were joking or just flirting, that's how LOW i thought of myself. also how i told you i was an artist, right? in school i often didn't participate in art competition and try to not flex my art because i was afraid someone would be jealous and would hate me. quite ironic isn't it? i want that validation yet the moment i get that i just don't know how to accept it. I then found out it could be due to parents and when it comes to think bout that, mymomu used to scold me for smallest mistakes or just blame things on me. but i can't just go and outright rebel against her. its shocking because i thought it was entirely my fault for what i am. Also i can't justsimplyd disconnect with my mother can't just simply cut the source. I am trying to be better and hopefully when i will have a kid of my own i try to be a better parent.