Escapade

To say it’s been a week would be an understatement. I was texting with a girlfriend earlier and told her I decided I’m gonna move to a mountain with no reception, live like a raccoon and play making DMT the rest of my life. She replied “I got you,” and five minutes later, sent me an avatar of a quite pretty-looking raccoon playing with test tubes to use as my new official contact photo. Been one of those weeks.

Are there words you haven’t heard me write in all the words you’ve read of mine? Most of the time, I feel like I’m just regurgitating the same ideas and words ad nauseam. When it’s the only medium of expression, it all begins to feel a bit like an unrequited love letter stuck in a Groundhog Day loop. Oh, god! For so many years…probably—definitely—the right amount though, whatever that ends up being.

Are em dashes ironic now?

When A and I got together-together at the end of 2018, I accepted what our situation was and had been before that point—fully accepted. I was disappointed, but was truly hoping the powers that be knew what they were doing and we’d both end up blissfully happy, apart. For years, those feelings were steadfast. I didn’t keep time on you, but naturally, you (yourself) were brought up in conversation by mutual acquaintances so had a Birds Eye idea a handful of times. You never left your little hideaway corner in my heart, or my mind completely. I remember sending you love a few times during those years when I felt an especially poignant Pling. Say that five times fast…don’t. It’s late and nobody needs word games at this hour. As I play a game of writing a letter of words.

You play games too. You’re pretty good at them, I’ll add. Do you love it and hate it equally as I do? The push and pull is addicting. I’ve thought perhaps we’ve had similar thoughts—alone, together. (Is there a reoccurring theme here?)

Another one I’ve had is maybe because we both know how intensely this feels apart, what would happen if we—gasp—touched? Would we just instantaneously combust? So that’s a pretty good reason to be fearful, I suppose. Sounds scary, definitely not comfortable. I just can’t believe this is the best we have to offer though. Know what I mean?

There’s no point to this. Felt the pull to write, so here I am. I’m leaving this open-ended, as we always seem to be.