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Completely heartbroken here; today was the worst day of my life. Last Sunday, I noticed my 9-year-old hen had an egg forming (non-fertile - she lays an egg maybe 3-4 times a year). I noticed earlier in the week she was sitting slightly fluffed up so I consulted with a vet. Mind you, she was still eating, flying, drinking water, pooping, preening. When she still hadn’t laid the egg and honestly, the area looked a little more swollen (potentially?), I drove two hours away to have her seen at a vet. Key point: the first place that no longer could take us referred us elsewhere to a place that sees birds, but in retrospect, doesn’t mean they are avian vets.

After the long drive (my bird hated being in the carrier bag because she is used to being out of her cage along with the rest of the flock most of the day, minus sleeping), my bird was so safe by me. Loving scritches, snuggling up, seemed a little antsy to be in an unfamiliar place — we then waited 1.25 hours to be seen because there was an emergency that came in to the clinic which I assume resulted in surgery.

Vet comes in and vitals all look good. Upon handling my bird, she also believes it’s an egg. She would be in worse health if egg bound and I shared that she hadn’t been straining or even trying to lay an egg.

I was about to go home when “the bird vet” arrived and suggested we do an ultrasound and I hold my bird against my chest while they scan in “the egg area” beneath her tail. On the screen was a perfectly oval blackish area which they said “looks like an egg that isn’t very calcified”. They suggest fluids (which I assumed would be oral) and a few vitamins (Calcium, D, are two that I remember).

I SHOULD HAVE SAID NO. Once I saw them

bring in the injections, she had me hold my bird but then said we need to lay her on the table and secure her. She was trying to inject the fluids between her inner thigh area and couldn’t get it. Meanwhile my bird is struggling because what cockatiel enjoys being on their back?

We give her a rest and then re-attempt with the vet tech, vet, and myself all holding her and the tech still cannot get the needle in.

At this point I ask to give a break only to realize to my horror, she was gone. Unmoving. They attempted 5 rounds of CPR on her and couldn’t revive her.

I am DEVASTATED. I could have left while she was still happy and okay and I know I tried to do my best for her but her end was not peaceful and now I feel I have PTSD. I had to answer my kids’ calls from two hours away as they sobbed that their beloved bird was gone. I feel terrible, I feel responsible; my beautiful bird was so healthy and could have had another decade or more. Her best friend bonded hen is 21.

The kids and birds and I said our goodbyes when I got home. We buried her with feathers from her bestie hen. How does one move on from this? I keep replaying the scene in my head. Shame on them for not covering the risks. I had said no to x-ray as they’d have had to sedate and I wanted to avoid any trauma. Fluids and vitamins sounded so routine. WTF did I just do? She’s gone and it is breaking me and my son especially. 💔😭 note: fourth pic is of her egg area - can anyone confirm that yes she should have laid the egg by now and was going to be in dire straights without today? Honest truth.

Heartbroken (trigger, loss)