Am I asexual or do I have a fear or intimacy or am I holding myself back?

Hi I am about to dump my fucking guts out and haven't ever fully explained this to anyone I just want to hear what someone else thinks without the embarrasement of having to tell a friend face to face and for them to then know this abt me. So..

I am an 18 y/o women whos in her first year of college. I know that Im attracted to men but I don't know if I have a strong attraction to them in the way most/my peers do. I don't know if that has to do with me maybe being asexual or maybe demisexual or with the fact that I have never done anything in romantic in the slightest.

I have never held hands, kissed, been on a date, not really had a talking stage (meet a guy at a party at the end of junior year hs, texted over summer for 2 months but I was out of town the whole time and he eventually ghosted me; thats the best i got), or obviously had sex. I went to a art school for middle school (so everyone gay and not the sterotypical schooling), then covid half 7th & 8th grade, then a high school that was kinda ghetto where my options were either edgars who had no ambition in their life or guys taking hard classes but doing really bad in them and doing drugs (im so serious and not exaggerating sadly) or really quiet nerdy guys that I didn't ever talk to. That's at least how my graduating class demographic was so I wasn't really wanting to get involved with the first 2 options and then I didn't want to put myself out there to talk to the quiet nerdy people cause I am kinda an overthinker and anxious.

All throughout high school --til senior year started-- I didn't care that lowkey at all about romantic relations. I always thought they would be great and fun but I didnt want to go out of my way to make it happen and told myself ill let it happen if it comes my way but otherwise no. Well nothing ever happened and i dont know if its cause I miss social cues or if genuinely no one wanted me. Or what. Okay to be honest I did notice a couple guys take interest in me but again I didn't want to get involved bc for example one those guys was a smart classes but bad in them and does drugs. He did so many different ones and he got caught by his mom senior year and she sent him to orgeon to live with his dad for a couple days. He also has 2 DUI's and he was at college for his baseball committment but got his 2nd dui in college and he got dropped so hes now dropped out of college and working at a gym.

By the time I became a junior I started to feel insecure about not having any romance. And like I feel ur expected to have something by that point and so from junior year/senior year and onwards I've felt very stuck and behind. I've noticed some people maybe taking interest in me (maybe i mean i cant be sure) but im just so anxious now because im started at square one unlike most people.

This feeling has espeially ramped up since going to college. I am in a dorm with 3 poeple (including me) w/ a tiny room. One of my roommates (fake name: Maya) has a long distance bf and has had multiple relationships and my other roomate is (fake name: Dakota) whos kissed 4 people, lost her virginity cause she wanted to before going to college, and just started dating this guy from our college 3 months ago. So now I feel extra awkward cause theres all this talk about men not only from them but all the girls ik istg. And I have nothing to say and nothing to add cause i dont do shit and i feel like they and my friends are catching on. i feel like somethings wrong with me.

I can't tell if i have intimacy issues (my parents relationship is ROYALLY fucked up yet their still together), im maybe asexual, im just anxious and out of the loop of how this works so im too nervous, im not attracted to the men that are attracted to me, etc.

I do think about the last point sometimes. i feel like maybe my standards on what i find attractive are too high maybe cause majority of the guys that have shown interest i didnt find visually attractive. idk i just want someone to hear me and give input. clearly i have SOOOOO much to say. the only reason im not saying more is bc im tired, need to wake in 3hrs, and i fear no one is gonna read this cause of the length so i think adding any more length would repel people even more.

if anyone read all of this and wants to give input lmk and ill explain even more shit ..heh....