Im just trying to get help, why is it so hard?

Seriously I dont know what to do anymore. I've had like 5 therapist since I was 12, got sent to a mental hospital at 14, and have been taking prozac for a month, im waiting for my dad to pick a psychiatrist, my current therapist canceled last minute, and Im just getting VERY fustrated and tired.

I have nobody to talk to about my issues, im tired of the late night anxiety for no goddamn reason, and my body keeps telling me "Now you have to do something right now it doesnt matter what just now!" And i have no clue what to do, what does my body want from me?!

My head just fills with trauma memories trying to remind me what happened 4yrs ago and it makes me wanna put my head through a fuckin wall, but still im so pissed and so desperate that I want the people in my life back I dont care how "harmful" they were I'd rather have that then be alone and talking to a void.

Im slightly calmer after typing but it doesnt matter.