How can you convince me that I will get better?

So I've been trying my whole life trying to get people to listen to me. At 6:00 I already knew by me picking up my fingers I was not normal by 8 I knew it was not normal to already think I'd be dead by 30. Now I am in my 30s and I crave not to be here anymore I'm not looking for people to be my damns being like we're so pretty stay alive. I'm never allowed to question things I I'm ready to be at peace because no one's happy in this world and I have never been. I'm sorry I'm such a not great person and I wish all of you the best