All I can think about is transitioning but I dont know if im trans

This post might not be written well, im kindda stressing lol. Im 17 and very recently I realised that i might be trans. I just woke up one morning and I thought it all made sense. I really dont know if im trans. I havent experienced much dysphoria through most of my life but there has definitely been times in my life where I was sure I wanted to be a woman. Ive been incredibly deppresed for seemingly no reason for the past 5 years and when ever I look at myself in the mirror theres another voice in my head that says horrible things to me but when I started wearing makeup the voice was just positive. Whenever I think of myself I see a man and i dont hate it. I wish I was sure of my gender identity one way or the other. Pretty much all trans stories ive heard talk about how they knew from when they were young and they got hrt when they were younger than me now and that scares me so much because first of all im not sure what I want to be and seccond im scared im gonna leave it too late and not be able to pass. And i know it shouldnt matter but i feel like i dont want to transiton if im not gonna be able to pass but im also scared that if I start it now im going to regret it. I kind of told my mum about this and it when better then expected qnd I dont think my family would be too much of an issue but im still worried that they wouldn't accept me. Also my deppresion has really impacted my life and I didnt go to school for my last year of secondary and I started going to college but that was way too much for me aswell and I stopped going. I feel like im already set out for a hard life just cause of the way I am and then the hate id inevitably recieve if i become trans? Anyway this endded up being much more of a ramble than a question. If any body has any advice for me id appreciate it so much. Thank you for reading.