My mum's criticisms are making me question myself

Hi! I'm a 21F and I'm looking for some outside perspectives as I'm starting to second guess whether or not my mother's criticisms are fair. I dont know who else to talk to about this and I'm sorry if its a little all over the place. I've been keeping it bottled up for a while but I'm getting tired.

I'm still living at home, and work part time. Unfortunately my hours can be quite inconsistent from week to week and whether or not I can pick up covers in different stores. My income ranges from $80AUD to $300 AUD+ depending on what shifts I manage to get. Thankfully, with my university coming to a close June this year I'm in the current progress of searching for a second job with more consistent and frequent hours. After that has settled, I'll start saving up to move out.

A year ago I met my current boyfriend (24M) and he has been the best experience of my life, but unfortunately over the last year the relationship between mum and I have become strained. I can't remember her blowing up like this before I met him, no more than usual discipline towards your children, but it seems that in the last 12 months things have gotten progressively worse.

Her blow ups can range from a few minutes to several hours of intense lecturing and scolding, often bringing me to tears and leaving me totally exhausted once the whole ordeal is over. Sometimes the lectures are so bad I struggle to recall what happened in the following days, almost like my brain just didn't register what had happened. The conversations are hardly logical and can often contradict what was said earlier. They have gone on for so long and cover such a large range of topics they start to blur all together, but some of the topics she's covered and revisited frequently were:

• I'm not working enough (which I'm more than happy and actively trying to change)
• She believes my efforts to find more work and apologies for having to lower my rent are performative and that I just dont want to contribute
• Says my attitude in the house is 'miserable' and that my sister and her feel like they have to walk on eggshells.
• She thinks my boyfriend gets to have the 'happier' version of me whilst they're left with a 'passive aggressive' version of me.
• I'm too attached to my boyfriend (I see him minimum once a week, but I text with him every day and occasionally play video games with him when our work allows us) and therefore will become unattractive to him, causing him to go seek relations elsewhere.
• I'm invited to his family gatherings (parties for specific events, or even just general meetups) too often, and that it is very odd that I'm going or even invited in the first place. She has called it 'weird' and accused him of being too poor and insecure to take me anywhere else.
• Building off his family events, she has also mentioned I shouldn't be socialising with them as his siblings and relatives are older than me (he has two older sisters), and because they both had children around my age, they're trashy. I should be out socialising with people my own age, and not with his family.
• My boyfriend has 'ruined our family' and accused him of being the catalyst for my behaviour and the tension that has come into the house. She never addresses him as a man, and instead as a 'young boy'.
• I lack too much confidence by wanting my boyfriend to accompany me to my first nationals event in Brisbane, since he has travelled a lot and I haven't and would also love for him to come. She said no and to think of my sister (in regards that she'll become a third wheel I suppose), and that he has to stay here so I don't have to 'look after him' and 'entertain him'

I'm sure all of these are valid criticisms individually, but I haven't found my behaviour has changed how she describes it. I haven't felt like I've particularly been any different. I've been more stressed due to uni coming to a close and work being unstable, but I've really tried to keep my spirits up during this entire process. I've had a history of depression in the past, but i've been on the mend and clean for almost a decade, and my ability to stabilise my emotions has improved dramatically since then, but unfortunately all the critiques has pushed me back towards that path.

The last lecture she followed up with that I have to tell her my worries so she can help me feel supported and work through them, but I've been very hesitant to do so.

I have a suspicion that some of it comes from fear, as she didn't have a very good time with Dad before he passed away, and I'd guess that she doesn't want the same for me. Unfortunately, because of the constant critiques of what I'm attending or who I'm with is starting to make me second guess both myself and my judgement. At the start I was excited to be invited to his family events, I loved meeting everyone and they loved me too, and I got accepted into their family with ease, but on the other hand no child wants to think what they're doing goes against a parents wishes. I'm now chronically scared to tell her that I've been invited and that I'm going to these things, which was suggested for me instead of asking for her permission to go. I've got my own car now, that I fully look after and pay for and no longer need to use hers, so now there will be no inconveniences for her if I'm away for hours at a time.

I've been very lucky in the way my boyfriend is extremely patient, and her critiques of him doesn't effect me, and he's more worried that its effecting me in a negative way.

I'm fully able to accept my behaviour, and I'm all for improving her life as she enters her 60s in the next few years, but I'm struggling to tell whether these are valid criticisms or if things have escalated emotionally.