I hate my past self, and I kind hate my current self.

Basically, the title. I don't like myself at all, and it may get worse. I hate my body, I hate my looks, I hate my brokenness and having no job and I hate being a man. I feel like sometimes I cannot change it, and I wish I could honestly, just slip into a deep, dark darkness.

It ain't really ok, and I don't know how I just don't explode into a frenzy of depression and self-hate. I would be ok with dying if it were quick and peaceful honestly.

Younger me was pathetic and stupid, I would pop that dumbass upside the head if I could, I don't understand what was wrong with him, with me. I was emotional, impulsive, and stupid and didn't learn lessons. I guess the only thing I picked up from that time was that learned how to code.