Great chemistry in person but inconsistent communication during the week (M27) (F27)

M27) have been dating my girlfriend (F26) for about 3 months. Our first date was around 4 months ago, but I traveled for a month right after that. Since I came back we’ve been seeing each other roughly once a week. We became official about two weeks ago.

In person the chemistry is honestly amazing. She’s very affectionate with me: constantly kissing me, touching my face or beard, looking at me with a lot of warmth, telling me how handsome I am. Our dates are usually long (sometimes 5–10 hours) and we’ve done a lot of different things together: dinners, karting, bowling, movies, hanging out at my place, etc.

When we’re together everything feels intense and very real.

The confusing part is the dynamic when we’re not together.

She’s not cold with me at all. In fact, when she does message me she’s usually affectionate (calling me “my love”, sending voice notes, etc.). The problem is the inconsistency.

For example, sometimes we’ll exchange messages throughout the day normally: good morning, a few messages in the afternoon, and some at night.

But other days I’ll send a good morning text early (I wake up early for the gym) and she won’t reply until around midday, even though by that time she’s already been awake and at work for hours. Other days we barely talk at all.

That inconsistency makes the connection during the week feel weak sometimes.

Another thing that adds to my confusion is that she’s very active on social media. She posts a lot of stories: reels, photos, videos of herself, etc. Sometimes she posts stories while I’m still waiting hours for a reply to my message. She does eventually respond and usually in an affectionate way, but the contrast sometimes feels strange.

There have also been a couple of situations that created doubt in my mind.

Before we became official, one night at my place around 2am she received a call from a number she didn’t have saved. She ignored it, but I noticed because she was using her phone next to me. When I asked about it she said she didn’t know who it was and even offered to call the number back or let me check her phone. She seemed very understanding about why it might look strange.

Another situation involves a male friend of hers from another country. He sent her flowers to her house and posted a screenshot of their chat and the flowers on his Instagram story, and she reshared that story.

In the chat he was calling her things like “my queen” and “beautiful” and saying he missed her. She replied affectionately but also said that her boyfriend was number one. Still, the tone felt quite intimate to me and I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that dynamic.

There is also a close female friend she spends a lot of time with. They train together, go to brunch, dinner, cocktails, etc. very frequently. She posts a lot of stories about them together (gym sessions, flowers they give each other, etc.).

She once mentioned she experimented with women in the past but says she doesn’t actually like women romantically. Because of that and how intense the dynamic with this friend sometimes looks, I did briefly wonder about it, but she confidently told me they are just friends.

So now I feel stuck between two realities:

When we’re together → she seems extremely into me.

When we’re apart → I sometimes feel like I’m not really a priority.

For example, she recently changed jobs and told me she might have to work Saturdays and would let me know if we could meet. Yesterday (Friday night) she was out again with her friend and now it’s Saturday and she still hasn’t mentioned anything about seeing each other.

I usually take initiative with dates so it’s not about expecting her to plan everything. It’s more about the feeling that I’m always the one pushing the connection forward.

I also admit I might be more sensitive to this because I’ve had bad experiences in past relationships (cheating, sudden breakups). At the same time I really like her and try to show it.

From the outside, what do you make of this kind of dynamic in a new relationship?