Partner (M28) does not find me sexually attractive but wants to marry me (F26)

I have been in a relationship with my partner for the last 5,5 years. I am a very sex positive person with a high libido, he is more tamed when it comed to that. Even though I sometimes wished for more intimacy, I was never unhappy with our sex life, but sometimes felt like I was not as much desired by him sexually like by my previous partners. Our relationship was ver strong and beautiful.

My partner experienced a lot of trauma and I always felt like he is ashamed while having sex. I accepted him not being a freak as he explained he just does not like sex as much in general and doesn’t feel like himself during it sometimes.

Anyways, 2024 some extremely traumatic things happened in his family, which also really troubled our relationship to the point were we took a break. As he was in deep grief we obviously barely had any sex the following time. In that time we somehow opened the relationship, also because I travel a lot for work. We fought a lot, he was repeatedly criticizing me for basic things about me (like the fact that I am not as into philosophy as him and I should read more etc, mind you I am a student so I actually do read a lot). We found back together and realized that we both did not want to explore this non-exclusiveness and our relationship seemed perfect and stronger than ever the past 9 months. He also told me he is the most in love he has ever been and has been pushing for us to get children etc. the past months.

Anyways fast forward to now, where I caught him using a dating app and are completely shattered. We had a conversation about it where he said that he uses it because he seems sex as something violent and sometimes feels disgusted by himself doing it so he thought doing it with strangers is easier and that he considers sexual therapy. btw, he was addicted to porn before but accordingly stopped in January, which really made our sex life flourish for a few weeks and then it slowed down again.

So next day, I am saying that this kinda sounds like a Madonna/W* complex and while I theorically do not mind him having sex with others, I was shook that he uses this app (especially in a phase where I am not away for work but here). It hurt me that he was actively looking for sex with others while he knows that I would even wish for us to have more sex. He then says that everything he said the day before was a lie to protect my feelings and that he does not feel sexually attracted to me. He is still committed and wants to marry me and have children. He then explained weird reasons like he is not sexually attracted anymore because of the way I dress or the fact that I do not read as much books and said that there are times were he felt more attracted than others. He also said that he does not like the sex I like, which is weird because as I said I am very open-minded to try whatever he likes.

Well, he is the perfect partner in all other aspects but this got me into thinking I will never be enough for him. I am wondering if he ever enjoyed our sex and how a future could look like.. please I need advice how to recover from this?