Im so sad and disappointed

I’ve Spoken on here trying to get advice on whether I was being an ass for feeling upset towards my sibling, for not being able to dedicate 1 hr a day helping me stand..

I finally found someone (J) willing to be my caregiver for the last 3-4 hours of my day and is more than willing to spend 1hr standing, working out or any kind of practice i wanted like transferring. I told him i could pay him for the mean time while he registers and could start claiming hours and being payed by the state. Super cool im super grateful for him but here is where turn took a 360°..

My sister is my caregiver for the current four hours in the morning. I get 7 hours a day but my sister only claims the 4 because my other sisters i dont know, they help a lot too they just dont care to go do the trainings to claim hours. But anyway..

Me and J made plans to drive down to the office to pick up the application and get the process started..

I started catching a weird vibe from sister like idk it was odd. She txted me how many hours he was going to claim but i didnt see her txt. When she came to get me up in the morning she asked again. I was like idk dude hes only just showed up yesterday. She was like “well you know it takes time to get approved” so i said “yes i know thats why i let him know i can pay him in the mean time” and that was that.

Something was telling me to call the office and just ask to confirm total of hour approved per pay period. I was told i get 71hrs. So i said cool thanks and almost hung up but i was like “wait can you confirm the hours that are being claimed a day?” and she was like “7. 7hrs daily” i said thank you and hung up. My oldest sister was there and was like “7? i thought she only claims 4?” i said “supposed to be” and she was like “mm idk the lady sounded unsure” and i said “ mm maybe but im going tomorrow ill ask for a printed sheet”

Bro… I went to the office and asked for records for the month of February to current…

As we drove home i get a txt from my sister the caregiver. it says “Hey ask J if he wants all the hours, i’ve been looking to get a full time job” But i didn’t reply.

When i got home, all siblings were here but she was off like i can’t explain it. I didn’t say anything till today because i wanted to understand but i wanted to speak to her private. So i waited today.

Today my oldest sis took my cancer diagnosed mom to the ER. And my second oldest was taking me to appointment but she said she was gonna go home and change. So that meant i was gonna be home alone with my sis the caregiver. But i could feel she was avoiding me. So i finally went up to her.

And i started by saying how it started and how i found out. I knew it was gonna go bad and somehow it was going to turn on me…

She immediately started getting agitated and stated telling me i have such a shitty attitude, that im so fkn mean to my little sister (23yr. Me 27) She started saying how much she has done for me and how i don’t talk and just answer yes and no (i was only 1 yr 3mth into my injury i was suicidal and extremely depressed still am) and how i drain her that its even hard to care for me from how uncomfortable i make her. That i talk shit bout her to my friends (not true always reassured her that my silence wasnt anger towards her but my silence meant dissociation, suicidal ideation and i physically cant talk from sadness) She threw everything shes done for me in my face. Oh and apparently her giving up her dog was cause of me, mind you she has adopted like 11 dogs and has returned them all including a horse! not exaggerating. Anyway this just a summary of everything she was telling me but still not adressing the topic.. Why did you not mention you were claiming more than what you do. She also claimed i never had conversations with her which isn’t true i always told her that i don’t say it enough but that i was grateful for letting me live in her garage. But i told her i told you enough i dont feel like i should be condemned my whole life to having to thank her for it when ive said it enough

Since the month of February everyday there was 7 hrs claimed. and for this month too and there was three days where 12 hrs claimed… Mind you she only gets me up my oldest two sisters are here day and night caring for my mom and me if theyre here. And my little sister puts me to bed and showers me

My 3 other sisters and mom had asked her before and she always claimed she gets only the 4 hrs. Which obviously is not true..

I told her to go ahead to react as she pleases cause i knew she was feeling attacked but after all that she knew she was wrong and all she had to do was mention it but instead willingly kept it from everyone. She then told me that i could call my other sister to come cath me yhat she was leaving.. It was my cath time…

She then proceeded to send my sister a pic of a thermometer of 101° fever saying she was sick and couldn’t come check up on my Stage 4 cancer diagnosed mom, but posted herself dancing on Instagram…

I think its safe to say she quit and probably won’t be coming over soon.

To make it worse My mom was told today in the ER that her tumor is 3x bigger and theres no changing her draining bags because they weren’t blocked, the reason they weren’t draining is cause the tumor blocked meaning that liquid will soon start to leak inside her burning her inside out…

im 2.5 years into my injury my mom was diagnosed one week after my one year anniversary crash date. I don’t know how my sister ever expected me to be joyful and talkative and saying i have a shit attitude that im even hard to care for. Like what?? Do you not see all this immense weight that we are taking on right now??

Its late now and i think ill try and get some sleep i’ve been completely emotionally drained today. I don’t feel angry i feel extreme sadness to hear her speak to me and looking at her looking at me with such anger..