I (24M) recently went through a breakup with my ex (24F) two days ago after being together for about 4 years.

I (24M)went through a breakup two days ago. It was a healthy one, no toxicity or big fallout, we both agreed it was the right decision.

At one point, we really did love each other a lot. It felt real and meaningful, especially since this was my first proper relationship. Over time though, that feeling faded, and if I’m being honest, I felt like she emotionally checked out of the relationship about a year ago. I think I was holding on longer than she was.

What’s been hard is that she’s now chosen someone else. I keep comparing myself to him, he’s older, seems more established, earns more, better looking, and in my head it feels like I’ve been replaced by someone “better.” I know that mindset probably isn’t helpful, though it’s hard not to think like that right now.

I’ve seen people I know go through breakups and completely lose themselves, and that’s something I really don’t want to happen to me. I want to handle this properly. I want to focus on my health, my hobbies, and becoming the best version of myself. I play violin, I enjoy cooking, I work in finance, and I’m also building a brand on the side, so I’m trying to lean into those things.

I’ve also stayed off dating apps because I don’t want distractions or rebounds. My plan is to heal first, then when I’m actually in a good place again, start dating properly. I feel like if I want to attract someone great, I need to become great myself.

Right now though, it still hurts more than I expected. It comes in waves.

For anyone who’s been through something similar, especially where your ex moved on quickly with someone you feel you can’t compete with, what actually helped you move forward in a real way?

Not just distractions, but genuinely letting go and growing from it.

Would really appreciate any advice.