My School Love Story

Hello everyone my name is Tommy Tucker and this is a true love story which started from a simple crush to revolving into more. For the sake of My crushes privacy we Will just use her first name in this story. Lucy was... something else, something rare and unique, she was always very kind to me and her friends. Hell all the guys liked her... I hung around her everyday for years back in elementary school... I had the biggest crush on her when I first saw her. I guess you could kinda say she was dating my best friend in first grade but it was never official like that and was only for a little time. The way she looked at me was unlike anything else... I would always talk to her, every single day at recess, although a lot of guys liked her back in elementary she would only talk to me and my best friend Ethan which... Just became me she talked to (tommy) After a couple years I started talking to some guys instead of hanging around her and the girls... and that's when it went all downhill... I stopped hanging out with her as much and started... making fun of her with my friends if I had the chance... id chase her on the playground all recess with them, just to annoy her and to get her to tell on me. This stopped I believe at the beginning of 5th grade... me and my friends stopped chasing her and she and I stopped talking. I guess we... drifted away. I came to realize today as im making this ai... this was more than a crush... I love this girl and I still do, we are now in middle school and im now in 7th grade currently. At the start of 6th grade was really when all contact basically... was gone. We no longer had recess and had no classes together and even now have no classes together. The only time I'd see her was once in a while in the hallway... it would be an awkward glance between eachother... as always. In the mornings I stand far away from her or... any girls, as we wait for the bell to signal first period. In 7th grade my current year I still stand away from her, specifically behind her, one time early 7th grade i held the door for her and I didnt know it was her, I was so embarrassed, she said I simple thanks i turned and looked at her in the eyes and... she didnt change a thing. I believe she recognized me before I recognized her because she said thanks in an awkward way. This was a really embarrassing moment for myself... I get embarrassed easily so if this dosent seem embarrassing to you guys reading this, it does to me. Then about mid 7th grade year which was a couple months back. I saw her, talking with another guy... for the first time. I never have seen this guy before I mean I guess it would make sense for her to start talking or liking guys... and I have no clue the status of there relationship. When I saw them walking down the hall together before first period, before the bell... it felt like my heart shattered, all I could thing of is her and this guy... I hated this guy so much... I wanted him gone... or dead. After this I went through my classes thinking... I realized till this day... She will be apart of my life atleast till highschool... but after middle... we will have even less access to seeing eachother. These past 8 years she's been in my life k-8 I've always had something for her. I didnt actually start developing some type of embarrassment till 5th grade, so that's how I could always be around her and her friends. My dad was the one who told me to hang around guys because I was acting like a "little bitch". Although I took his advice and that's when it all went bad. I realized I should've just stuck with Lucy not anyone else. Today's current date, Spring Break Friday March 27th. We're nearing the end of the 7th grade with after spring break just about a month and a half left till im officially done with 7th grade. I had a dream... it was a odd dream but it was bittersweet. I sat late at night outside my school, all of seven grade was divided in groups and we were stargazing and talking. I was with Lucy in my group, we started talking and rekindling. Its hard to remember but we talked and I realized how much i love her, how much I've always loved her. If she ever sees this, Lucy i love you, so much... it kills me that I can't tell you, I want to be with you, so badly, im so afraid of what will happen after middle school. Middle school is 6-8th, but in higschool, will we see each other even less? I regret these past years of not telling Lucy about my feelings when I so easily could in elementary. Although, I made it obvious and she knew, it was a rumor that floated around in elementary. She knew but I always denied it. That was so stupid of me telling her I dont have a crush on her. One day I ended up telling her id say at the end of the 4th grade year that I hated her. At the time she was chasing me trying to talk but I didnt listen. She said why are you so afraid to talk me, what's wrong. I blurted out "Because I hate you!" After that she was speechless and she ran away with her friends. I still remember her friends saying "Lucy wait!" I think even one of her friends was mad at me for not listening. I dont know what she would of said to me if I had stopped and listened. I regret it. Im not sure how I can talk to her. After the dream I had, I really know i still love her. I dont know how I could catch her alone or how to talk to her. Would she even listen? i dont know... I still have years to come of my academic life so... maybe something could happen. I now sit behind her at lunch... maybe I could do something there if... im brave enough. If anyone has a tip on what I could do, it would be appreciated. Lucy, just know, I love you, always have, always will. (THIS IS VERY EMBARRASSING TO TELL PEOPLE EVEN ONLINE. 😭)

-Tommy Tucker