Well, better turned bitter...

I hate to be a downer but 22 days ago I posted that things were looking up and it felt like my circuits were all being flipped back on. Well, lately it seems something shorted them out again and the systems are trying to get out of whack again. Im devastated to be feeling so awful. I completed my iron infusions 2 weeks and a day ago. I was really hoping to feel it by now, and I know it can take 4 to 6 weeks.

I broke my left big toe 11 days ago 🤦‍♀️tripped while chasing one of my chickens. I ended up being given nsaids even after arguing I cant take them because of my intestinal reactions and gave in because they werent giving anything else for pain and continued at home with ibuprofen I had. Bad idea. I have GERD, schatzky's ring i just had a dilation on in Nov. I have diverticulotis and hiatal hernia. I have also had bleeding ulcers from nsaids in the past. Now its my fault for not being able to find the right words like bleeding ulcers, through my pain. But I was also dumb to take it. Now my stomach is upset and have a gastro appointment for that. Inflamed my sciatica with my broken toe. Luckily my PA had just had imaging ordered on my lumbar and was able to send it to the Dr who told me stuff I know and the bad news that eventually I'll need back surgery but were going to work on making that far future. Now I have a bariatric surgeon consultation for GLP1 use and ive been denied by insurance for it twice. I have physical therapy evaluation coming up. Im still waiting to see the endocrinologist who im seeing before the bariatric because I trust them more considering everything else. My Hematologist sent me to the endocrinologist because he suspects I have cushings on top of the Hashimoto’s hypothyroidism and intestinal issue.

Went to my PA yesterday to update her on everything in the last month, it was A LOT. She really listened and sees me suffering. I told her something is wrong. Something more then these setbacks and issues. Something has changed. Im sleeping 16 to 18 hours a day again. I just had the infusions so I dont think its that. The vitamin D2 has been really helping. The levothyroxine had brought my tsh down to its lowest in over a year. 3.45. I was trying for 2 or less but I really thought it was happening for me. It really felt like the corner was turned and now my new tsh is 5.65 and I barely want to move from my bed. Im forcing myself to do laundry, cook, was a few dishes, shower. Just basic life again. Im so depressed now. I feel like I am in a house of mirrors and brick walls. They look alike. Idk. Ive been to 19 appointments now, since January 14th trying everything suggested and all the doing all of the labs and things and doing extra for the other issues that Ive just lived with for 20-25 years. I still have many appointments next month and know more are coming. My two friends have quit texting me. One told me my depression hurting more than just me, her family is missing me. I was in the throws of the worst of the worst Ive ever felt in my life. My lung function dropped to 63% I had 9.9tsh vitamin D was 10 ferritin was 22 iron saturation was 17% or something my tpo is 885 (she also told me there's no test for Hashimotos) I missed Christmas, I missed Thanksgiving, I sent my husband to our new years tradition alone without me to celebrate with them. I had become homebound and it was awful. I even gave her the Heart tickets my husband got me for my birthday, because I couldn't do it. It was in a city 3 hours away and the drive alone wasnt something I just couldn't endure. That was the 3rd of this month and she hasn't answered her phone, called me back or even texted me back much less react to memes in our couples group chat. Idk my other friend has ghosted me too. I know I haven't been showing up for awhile now, but I feel so alone. Thank god for my amazing husband. Hes really there for me, taking me to every drs appointment because driving became scary because the brain fog made my reaction time awful. It wasnt safe anymore. I thought my friends understood im going through something awful just because I dont look sick, i just look like a lazy person choosing the couch and sitcoms I guess. Its so much more awful. Im 44 and feel 84. I feel like im dying a slow awful systematic death. Yeah thats dramatic but I feel like im losing my world. I cant even do my hobby anymore. (Shameless photo bomb of hobby in comments, worth it, promise) TL:DR better turned bitter again and life sucks, Im tired, cell deep tired. Im over this.