avoidant friend

i have known about her avoidant tendencies for the longest time because we have had deep and meaningful conversations where we each got to be vulnerable with each other many times.

i felt like over the past few years i was the one putting all the effort into the friendship and always the first one to initiate any hangout, text, etc. and with her tendencies, i’ve also developed an anxious attachment in the relationship because of the inconsistency i would receive.

a big factor that should be considered is that she is one of the closest people to me and that i struggle to make friends as i am someone who craves that deeper and emotional connection with people.

this past year we have been in different universities and she has found a group of friends to hang out with. recently, her texts with me have been dry, with many hours in between before reply. in the beginning of the year, she struggled a bit to fit in (first year uni) and i was someone she could talk to easily when she felt lonely. i was always there for her. now that she has friends i am someone she barely talks to and we have grown more distant. with her other friends, she isn’t like that with them and shows more consistent effort. i already brought this up with her before and said how it feels like i am always there for her but i couldn’t say the same about her. i said just want some consistency and she said okay so i trusted her on that.

but i think i made a mistake. as months passed consistency was something that did not show up. keep in mind that she is aware that i have no other people to talk to except her. recently ive had a lot of time alone and i realized how i was so oblivious to what she would do and a lot of resentment has built up. but at the same time, i feel so guilty because she is someone i care about. but now, i feel like i just don’t trust her anymore because we’ve had those conversations countless of times and it felt like she just lied.

when we text, i try not to start the convo but sometimes, i can’t help it because i just want to tell her about all these random things. but all that results in that is her answering more than 5 hours later each time. and also whenever she does answer, i know she always replies before she goes out with her friends so i know it’ll be a 10+ hour wait till she replies again so i just think what is the point of texting anymore.

all this realization made my anxious attachment almost disappear.

the main thing is that now, i don’t know if i should address the issues to her now because i simply don’t know if i can trust her or if she’s willing to change.

*sorry if it’s confusing it’s a long long story and has more aspects to this than i can remember.