I don’t know how to get a therapist who won’t focus on my childhood trauma

38/F American living abroad married mother of 3

History with therapy: I’ve been in therapy on and off my whole life. CBT from age 4-18, CBT again 21-22 when I was depressed, DBT and EMDR age 33 after a traumatic event (fertility meds caused acute depression), CBT-I 2x age 37-38 and Hypnosis for sleep age 38. Only diagnosis I have is for insomnia although I’ve been diagnosed with depression before as a kid and in my 20’s and PPD after my first child.

Backstory: I had an extremely traumatic childhood. My mom has (documented) DID and was hospitalized when I was ages 1-4. She then divorced my dad when I was 8 and the court gave her full custody because she told the court she’d hurt herself if I was taken away. After that she sexually abused me for years. This is obviously objectively horrible.

I’ve done years of intensive and productive therapy to recognize the patterns in my life, how I react to things and people, and learn ways of healthy coping. I’ve made peace with my inner child, my mother , my father, my siblings, and my childhood. I can tell you the whole backstory without getting upset. Of course it still impacts me because it’s shaped who I’ve become but I’ve done the work. The only thing that’s really lingering is my insomnia which started when my parents got divorced. Through one round of CBT-I I got a bit better, but that was through our public health system and the sessions were limited. I wanted to go a bit deeper so I tried private hynotherapy/EMDR and a second session of CBT-I to work through the anxiety around falling asleep. The problem is, every therapist I meet wants to focus on my childhood only and work through that trauma. It doesn’t matter what I say, in fact it’s almost worse that I can talk about it without emotion because they accuse me of being too detached from it.

There’s this great book called The Sleep Solution and in it, the author says most insomniacs don’t have insomnia from the triggering event anymore, its from the basically PTSD of having insomnia in the first place. And I feel that. I’m not alone with my mom anymore and scared of that. I’m having anxiety because of 30 years of not trusting that I could fall asleep because 30 years ago I couldn’t.

I don’t know how to engage a therapist that is willing to accept that I’ve done the work and that I’m ready to focus on my current, treatable problem. The hypnotherapy EMDR lady even said the work will never be done and I’ll probably always need to work through my childhood trauma. I know it obviously still affects who I am today because it shaped who I became, but I deserve the right to move on from it and enjoy my life now without thinking about how my childhood and innocence were robbed from me.