Struggling Post-op

I’m about to finish up week four of recovery for a grade 3/4 skin excision and free nipple graft, and I’m really struggling with it all.

So many of you guys write about the immediate sense of relief you felt post-op, but I have yet to feel that. I have a deep and visceral pang of regret every time I look at my new scars and chest in the mirror. The results aren’t horrific or anything, but they don’t seem particularly promising either. The chest I appear to have is not the one I envisioned. It sort of feels like I went from having the deflated chest of a formerly-fat person to an uncanny valley, heavily-scarred, chest that is weird in a different, kind of more unusual way. The result just doesn’t feel commensurate to the cost, downtime and mental toll of the procedure.

Recovery has been very tough. Unknowingly sensitive skin leading to minor stitch infections, contact dermatitis, and generally clouded ability to assess progress of the so far “meh-inducing” results. More incision scars than I anticipated or really even thought possible tbh, and despite a bunch of work in the axillary region, still exceptionally bulky in that area and now have weird contours/potential dog ears.

My surgeon has been responsive and considerate, but my gut tells me this is not going to get much better. I also feel like I should have dropped more body fat before surgery. The wild part is I consulted with at least 4 highly-respected surgeons, and all indicated that more weight loss wasn’t necessary/wouldn’t impact results. My gut now tells me this isn’t true, especially after looking over many surgical outcomes of guys who waited until reaching their goal weights.

Hoping once I get the green light to return to the gym, I can start to take control back and move in the right direction. Just feel a bit helpless right now. I’m trying not to hyper-focus but it’s tough.

I’m hoping to give it all more time and then eventually provide a more detailed overview of my experience, but not comfortable putting photos out there yet.

Anyone go through a similar mental situation and have insights on how to keep grinding through, especially during the weeks when you can’t do much else?