Letter to my younger self [211]

If my younger self could see me today, she would be looking in a mirror.

Instead of needing to recover from the pain of a suffocating relationship, I am escaping through something so much stronger.

She would smile and say, "I thought we got out."

In my reluctance, I tell her, "We almost did, but it caught up."

We smile with tears forming, accompanied by our sheer, uncomfortable laughter.

We stop. The silence became so clear.

Before I could stop her, I see her grab the dagger sitting right across from the table. I look at her in clear shock, and she tells me, "No more."

And she is gone. Crumbled to dust.

I try to collect all the pieces of her, but there are too many.

I cry. I tell her it would have gotten better.

She smiled. But when she was gone, I slowly felt myself wither away.

A surge of relief filled my body.

I was ready. For the pain to end. And for the cycle to end.

There is chaos in my mind that transfers into my life. Welcome to it. If any of this sounds familiar, we will try to unbecome the chaos together.

My name is Nova. And I am in the process of unbecoming.