I start having a panic attack every time I talk to my father

My parents and I have never been close, especially my father; he is basically a stranger to me. My parents are still married, but he is at work overseas for months at a time, then home for a month, and it's been like that since before I was born.

He and my mother have also been emotionally and physically abusive (to the point I have spoken to CPS agents and stuff)

My father also likes to mock; if he doesn't agree with something, he will mock and yell at you.

Every single time I ever talk to my father about anything remotely serious (like getting a new bed frame in this situation) i am just so scared he will get mad at me and then hurt me. There have been times in my life when I have feared for my life because of my parents, so whenever there is the slightest chance I could make him upset, I start having a panic attack.

It took me a solid couple of minutes to stop shaking and crying before I went out of my room to talk to him about a new bed frame. Lo and behold, he did mock me, but he didn't yell or anything. But the second I left i was just relieved that he didn't hit me with the beer bottle in his hand. And then I was angry, and then the panic attack continued.

I feel a bit better, but this has been going on for years now, and i am in a very rough point in my life right now so i just needed a little vent. These surprisingly also help me process my emotions better as I write, so I enjoy that aspect aswell.