The Unbecoming [213]

They say you need to fall in love with becoming.

But my whole life, I have never felt safe in the space I am in.

The subtle foreshadowing of my life comes from conversations I hear from strangers passing by.

I hear it on the subway when strangers talk about their friends suffering and never getting better.

I read about it in Reddit posts from strangers who have been struggling for years.

I fear I may become one of those strangers.

As I lose myself slowly to the disease that consumes me, I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore.

Just a shallow shell of a person who once was.

A person who once deserved, but now doesn't.

A person who is just crawling through life.

No inspiration. No motivation.

Just trying to live her life, waiting for the end to come.

I fear I am becoming that girl from high school again.

Just watching the seasons change, waiting for a better time.

But when will that time come?

I am lost in my thoughts, in my imagination, once again, because it's better than my reality.

How can I fall in love with becoming when becoming has become so painful?

My name is Nova. And I am in the process of unbecoming.