How closely do your values need to be aligned?
So I'm (36F) considering a 3rd date with someone (38M). He ticks all the boxes. I can tell he's the type of bf that would be lovely and considerate in all the right ways -- I have pretty decent gut instincts after a LOT of bad dates. I'm at the stage where I just need to spend more time with him to see if a deeper chemistry develops that could lead to a relationship. There is one sticking point. I'm very liberal, and an atheist. He knew this from the start. He's catholic -- I don't have an issue with dating anyone who has a close relationship with God, whatever faith. As long as they have the same values as me. He believes being queer is a sin. This doesn't impact me directly but it absolutely matters. I have queer friends. I hate the idea of dating someone who believes this of some of the people in my world. Being friends with someone like this is one thing, dating them....? On the one hand, I'm a strong believer that the measure of a person and a society can be seen by how they treat/understand the most vulnerable among us. I'm a POC and I've seen my share of struggle and generational struggle. It means that discrimination of any kind, I take very personally.---- On the other hand, I have friends and family who have strong religious beliefs. Growing up this way has made me understand that, despite not sharing some fundamental values, they are part of my life, and some, I love and accept as they are. Existence is political for me, in many theoretical and practical ways. Normally, this would be a no-brainer. The thing is, he is progressive and aligned to my values regardless of his belief. And frankly more educated than a lot of guys in general. He's finishing his PHD about discourses in sexual education. He agrees that LGBTQIA+ education is essential for the safety and well being of children, he has had queer friends and is non-judgemental of them (so he says), because they're people first. He's kinda like my wet dream of a guy (on paper at least). Any advice folks?
Posted Mar 27, 2026, 8:15 PM UTC