Will it ever be safe to transition

I have an appointment coming up to discuss HRT and I’ve gotten in a better position but every time I make progress and think I can be ready soon things have stabilized enough things become very unstable.

I’m struggling to know if I’ll ever find a time that’s suitable to transition and honesty some events came up recently that make me feel concerned about transitioning. I specifically got a job in an area that’s supposed to be known for being LGBTQ+ friendly but the environment is very hostile and doesn’t feel as safe as I feel it needs to be to transition.

I’m just frustrated every step forward and I feel like I can’t get into a solid position to safely transition. I’m kind of venting but also just looking for help. Sometimes I wish I had someone irl that could give me that safe environment and feeling to explore like painting nails and doing makeup regularly and not feel pressured to fold because of the unconscious bias and aggressions others present.