10 Year Relationship Advice 26M and 27M years old.

tl;dr Intimacy issues in relationship

We have been together for nearly ten years, having started our journey as high school sweethearts. In many ways, we’ve been each other’s "first and only." Our life together is about 70–80% perfect; we have a beautiful home (rent), filled it with carefully thrifted/antiqued decor, and created a world that feels incredibly safe. We’ve lived together for about 8 years, so right after high school.

Our lives are deeply intertwined—we share the same friend groups, work from home together, and even share a single car. We’re absolute best friends who share almost all the same interests. I cannot imagine my life without him, at least in some way, and I can easily see us growing old together as we coexist pretty well for the most part.

Currently, I am in a position of financial dependency. Because my income has been low, he has been covering the majority of our expenses. While my income is finally on the come up again, I know that without his support, I wouldn't be able to maintain my current lifestyle.

Despite the strength of our relationship, there has been a persistent "what if" in the back of my mind for years. While our sexual relationship is good, I find myself craving a different kind of intimacy thats been missing for years:

• Affection and Language: I’ve asked many times for more verbal affection—pet names like "baby" or "cutie"—but he says it doesn't feel natural to him.

• Physical Connection: I crave more cuddling and flirtatious banter, whereas he isn't much of a cuddler.

• Physical Attraction: I’ve always been attracted to "super fit" guys, and I wish he would prioritize working out to get his body to that level. (We have different love languages)

• The "Best Friend" Loop: We often feel more like roommates or best friends than romantic partners. I worry that we are too similar, and that the "sexual tension" required for a long-term romantic spark just isn't there.

• And some other things (sexual and overall personality traits)

I wouldn’t say any of these things listed above have ever been that present in our relationship, it’s just something I accepted.

Our intimite time is sporadic. I definitely have a higher sex drive. To be honest, we don’t really have sex often and never have, we do other things instead. I don’t mind this, though. However, even when we do other things, it’s like once every couple of weeks. Sometimes it’s a few times a week, but it’s never consistent, and there are often a week to multiple weeks of breaks in between sometimes. I told him I’d prefer every 2-4 days, I mean we’re young and I want to enjoy ourselves!

I often wonder if these concerns—the desire for a fitter partner, more banter, or pet names, etc are just superficial thoughts that won't matter once we are super old. I worry that I might be throwing away a amazing life for the sake of a more perfect one that may not even exist. I’ve brought these concerns up to him recently, as I have periodically over the last few years. I made sure to word everything as carefully as possible, and we had a good conversation about it. He admitted that these behaviors don’t feel natural to him, but he’s willing to keep trying, and we’ve both committed to taking our fitness and overall health routines more seriously.

Ultimately, I don’t want to force him to be someone he isn’t or someone who feels unnatural. I also worry about our 2 year old dog, he’s very smart and attached to us both, and we love him so much! He told me he doesn’t want to hold me back from doing what is best for me, and while neither of us wants to break up right now, we do want to continue growing together. However, after years of raising these concerns without seeing a real shift, I’m left wondering if I am settling for a lifelong friendship when I truly desire a romantic fire. I’d love some input from others on this.

What do you think about this? Thank you!