I (18F) started dating my boyfriend (18M) who used to date an ex friend for 2 years. She now hates me, and so does my ex (?) am I bad?

super complicated post. i understand that we are incredibly young and this could all be easily chalked up to petty teenage drama. however i feel limited on who i can talk to about this other than my partner, as i feel most of my peers have started acting differently towards me.

for context, throughout high school i was also in relationship for 2.5 years with my partner at the time since i was 15. him and i got along well but after breaking up with him i realised how little we actually had in common, and how much i lost my identity in that relationship, among other darker issues. we had a messy on and off breakup for a few months, where i would go back on not being sure on if we should call it quits (i was vomiting from the grief for days) and the pain became unbearable at points. him and i came from a similarly abusive and neglectful family situation, so we had often leaned on each other during our relationship and fell into codependency, which made us both act inappropriately at times. we remained broken up but maintained a sexual relationship because at one point he thought we could not date each other. sometime in december i had a family member tell me that i just need to make a decision for myself and to be grounded in that, and so i finally cut it off. we kept a caring dynamic where he would call me some nights needing support and advice, and at the time i was willing to do that.

where my current boyfriend comes into it is when i spontaneously decided to ask him out to smoke with me a few weeks after this. after hours of endless conversations and undeniable chemistry, one thing led to another and i ended up staying the night. it felt incredibly easy and natural if you will, and as cliche as it sounds i’ve never gotten along with anyone the way i get along with him.

even MORE context, my boyfriend started dating an at the time, close friend of mine when they were 15. throughout my friendship to her i got a sense of animosity between us that i couldn’t wrap my head around. majority of the time she would only talk about herself and would sometimes (i feel) intentionally pick fights over relatively trivial things, and then pick sides against me through using my other friends against me. i was often confused and feeling the weight of this tension throughout our friendship, as it felt like there was no discernible behaviour of mine that i could change for things to improve between us; it just really seemed like she didn’t like me but did like me at the same time since she seemed to really value my attention.

fast forward to early last year, and her and my boyfriend breakup with each other. this breakup is incredibly messy, as she is completely devastated. she won’t stop reaching out to him, calling him, talking about him at every opportunity. this sounds pretty indicative of a painful, messy breakup, but where it starts to get into strange territory is when she starts transferring into his classes and spends a majority of the time listening in on his conversations, for months. running out the classroom and slamming the door when she would overhear something she didn’t like. slyly following him around the courtyard, confronting him in real time when she would talk to anyone she deemed he didn’t like, writing him multiple goodbye letters, leaving multiple long voicemails that swing between hating him and begging for his forgiveness.

i had a part to play in this, as i was often at the receiving end of her venting about him and for multiple months tried reassuring her of her ability to move on. there were many hour long conversations (it was more just talking at me than to me) that basically went nowhere, because she wasn’t really listening to anything i had to say and wanted to try and discover who had done more wrong in this breakup. compile this with my preexisting upset about our friendship, and i started feeling disposable and not truly valued.

as time went on and as she gradually started moving on, my mental health started deteriorating for seperate reasons. i ended up being hospitalised sometime mid last year, and she and another friend had decided to show up to my house afterwards to try and cheer me up. i appreciated the sentiment but felt incredibly disheartened when this cheering me up amounted to them filling me in on all the new drama going on in their lives, and barely asked me anything about how i was doing. shortly after this i decided to just cut the both of them off, as i was having a large amount of cognitive dissonance in justifying my friendships to them. as you’d probably expect, they were mad and threw out excuses as to why i was cutting them off. anyways.

fast forward to a few months ago, and after this night him and i spend together we decide to keep seeing each other, and quickly decide to start officially dating. everything is really good with us. he’s incredibly emotionally mature and self assured, something i think i definitely am benefitting from. he’s also incredibly kind and giving and i’m genuinely very happy with him. where things start going sour is when she discovers that we are now seeing each other. she, and my other ex friend started blowing up our phones with calls, leaving bitter voicemails about the audacity of the both of us and proclamations of how happy she is without us. she got her current boyfriend to send mine a death threat. she also informed my ex of the situation, to which he has blocked the both of us everywhere, i guess understandably as i cut him off completely shortly after my relationship became serious with my boyfriend. she sent a message to a group chat with all our friends that she was disgusted with everyone who didn’t tell her, and that she hoped i “tasted her” whenever i’d go down on her ex boyfriend. i lost a friend over this through her taking her side, and the remaining friends have only been lukewarm to me because of this. i’m also of the belief she’s spreading rumours about me, so that would probably explain it.

i don’t know what to do. i really value being kind and decent and i didn’t mean to go out of my way to hurt anybody, even my ex, i just wasn’t thinking about her in my own happiness, and now i seem to realise who my true friends are. but if i’ve genuinely done something immoral, i want to know, but i really don’t feel as though i have. but if that’s the case, why is everyone acting like this?

did i do bad?