I hate myself for the things I cant help without a therapist.

Ive been struggling so much with my mental health and its making my social relationships deteriorate. Ive been trying so hard to get mental help from licensed therapists and doctors, but apparently to them im not depressed enough. Its getting worse and worse the less help im given by this stupid country. I acknowledge my own feelings and im aware of how messed up my mental health is, but I cannot seem to fix it on my own, this has driven me to become emotionally dependent and is ruining my life.. I feel so hopeless, like I'll always be the same stupid person who constantly makes mistakes and hurts people without knowing.. I hate hurting people i love just because im too socially unaware, i hate myself why do I have to be so childish sometimes