best way to be submissive - I endure the extreme!

I train myself to be a submissive bottom fag, to be just a fucktoy for a man. And i feel the best way to fullfill this role is to do and endrue things that give me no pleasure (at least not directly). Intense throatfucking is an example: For me it is unpleasent, i gag, choke and maybe even throw up. But thats is the point. The man has fun with my body, not me. Or dirty ass to mouth after anal. The man gets the pleasure of a blowjob and the satisfaction of degrading and using me. I just get a gross taste in my mouth. For me these are the moments i truly feel submissive and like fuckmeat. When neither my cock nor my prostate gets pleasure, but the man has fun, regardless of my own feelings.