Partner Loves Weed and I Hate It

Hi Reddit! I (23F) have been dating my girlfriend (25F) for about 7 months, living together for ~4 months. We were good friends for about two years before getting together, so moving in together really quickly didn’t feel super weird.

The issue that I’m having is with both of our stances on weed. I have autism and anxiety and suffer from panic attacks. I’ve been super anxious around it for as long as I can remember. Being around people who are in an altered state freaks me the HELL out. When I was 16, I used to get that sinking feeling in my stomach if a friend or partner or whatever even mentioned wanting to TRY smoking one day.

In the years since then, I’ve done so much work on myself to at least be okay when I’m around people who smoke, because I’m in my 20s and I live in a state where it’s legal, unfortunately it’s kind of hard for me to find friends my age who DON’T partake lol. Plus, I hated knowing that even just the mention of it would send me into a spiral. I’ve spent time around friends who enjoy partaking, I’ve even tried some edibles, some of a vape, and some of a joint myself. And honestly… it’s not even all that. If anything, it makes my anxiety much much worse most of the times I’ve tried.

I thought that being around it and being around positive people who smoke would squash my long-lived hatred for it. My partner is the most respectful stoner I’ve ever been around. She smokes maybe 1-3 bowls a day, never pressures me to try anything, always does it outside and brushes her teeth/puts on perfume to get rid of all traces of the smell. And on the rare occasion where I do decide to try a weed thing, she’s always supportive and helps me to feel safe.

But I still fucking hate it. I hate the smell. I hate the feeling it gives me. I hate the culture around it. I hate how expensive it is. I hate the way everyone denies being addicted to it. I hate that all my friends who partake have tried to pressure me into trying it. I hate feeling like I’m supposed to be the responsible one when all of my friends are high. I hate the cope. I hate that people can’t just be present anymore. I hate that my girlfriend wouldn’t quit if I asked her to.

And therein lies the problem. If I could remove all weed from my life forever, I would. I have tried my damndest to remove any stigma I have around it, I’ve partaken in it myself. I still fucking hate it and I wish my partner would quit.

My partner has also been diagnosed with anxiety, and has many more co-morbidities than I do. OCD, PTSD, ADHD, autism, depression, there’s a lot, and she’s on all sorts of medications for all of them. She says the smoking helps to calm all the noise in her brain. She says that it helps her relax enough to get through her day without feeling like she’s going to explode, I suppose. I completely understand all the benefits it gives her, and why it helps her. I’ve had lots of conversations with her about it, to help me understand it more and make it less scary for me.

But there’s just this seething hatred I have for it that I feel like I can’t express. I feel like such an asshole for hating on a thing that gives her the relief she needs.

I’m at a loss. I love my partner so much, far more than any hatred for anything. I don’t want any resentment to grow from it. Does anyone have any suggestions for ways to find a balance or a compromise? Should I just suck it up and learn to live with it? I can’t ask her to stop, because I know she loves it and needs it in a way. But I also don’t want to bottle this up forever yk?