Things have gotten really bad. I can't keep doing this.

I've just been through too much. I have too much still wrong. Too much that will never change. I don't want to go, but sticking around is too. I'm crazy. Not comfortable. In pain. Unable to sleep. Unable to eat almost. I'm scared. I tried doctors. They have blown me off for a year. I tried psychs. They claim only I can help myself in therapy. Which hasn't worked. Meds failed. I just keep getting worse.

I'm scared. I'm scared this is it. I failed to make an exit about a month ago. Call it a half hearted attempt, but this whole experience is insanely hard. I don't wanna make this too long in case this ends up being screaming into the void.

I need people to help me find my fight again fast. Psych wards do nothing but observe me overnight and release. Therapist wants me to just practice coping. Doctors tell me I'm fine despite pain and extreme discomfort. People in real life and online treat me like I just need to change my mindset and do all these menial things I will somehow be okay. That I need to learn to be okay even if I'm not. Others have it worse. All that.

So yeah. Commiserate. Encourage. Network. Make friends. Whatever. I gotta beat this. I can't feel like this 24/7 anymore.