For those of us who have been unwillingly placed in the position of being the sole (or nearly sole) caregiver of our kids — How are we doing?

We see the same types of stories posted here frequently… Fathers who spend all day at work and come home and immediately go relax on the couch for the remainder of the day. Who are left alone with the kids for two hours and call to ask when you’ll be home. Or those of us who are divorced or separated, and the kids come home from a weekend at dad’s house and haven’t bathed or even brushed their hair.

I married a child psychiatrist. I could have NEVER anticipated that he’d be such a horrible father and partner. I left him. I had very little hope that he’d step up as a father then, but expected that I’d at least get financial support for the kids. Wrong again. He fled to a country that won’t enforce US child support orders.

I did NOT sign up to be a single parent of three children. I’m not managing well. I’m poor. My career has continued to suffer to due the usual constraints of having children. My temper is shorter than short and I lose my shit so frequently that I wouldn’t be surprised if my kids stop talking to me when they’re older because I’m so goddamn mean. My house is constantly a disaster. I can’t keep up with the demands of daily life, let alone keep my house at even an acceptable level of clean. I would love to go to therapy but I don’t have the time or money. My kids were in therapy but I just can’t afford it anymore. We live off mostly beans, lentils, and rice, which isn’t bad but fuck it’d be nice to not have to worry about basic survival needs.

So how are we doing this? How are we staying sane when there’s no time to even catch our breath? When we can’t afford to pay a housekeeper or babysitter? How are we managing the searing resentment against our partners/ex-partners for leaving us in this position? Are you all even getting enough sleep at night?