More than friends but less than lovers

Nakakapagod na s'ya honestly. Ako nalang palagi nag-aadjust. Am I wrong for spending time with my friends the same way he spends time with his friends too?

So i have this friend, let's call him Van. Van is like my little brother na, he always comes to me pag nasasaktan siya sa crush niya. He knows he has no rights that's why he runs to us, his friends who are girls, to keep himself sane and aware of the situation.

I have this ka-something with someone, let's call him Carl. Me and Carl have been talking since August. Hanggang talking lang because my mom doesn't approve of our age pa. (I'm 17 and he's 16, months lang gap namin) I respect my mom for that. Actually, I'm very thankful to my mom because she forbid that relationship. Siguro if pinayagan niya ako, I would be stuck in this.

So eto na nga, me and Van are really good close friends. Carl is fully aware na may nagugustuhan si Van na ibang babae but he still talks bad about Van to his friends, how Van knows that me and Carl are something pero he still does not distance himself away from me.

I've reassured him multiple times na it's nothing and siya lang talaga gusto ko. I even once told Carl I was willing to cancel or postpone my plans with Van just for him, pero wala eh.

Recently, nakipag talk ako sa friend ni Carl, which is itago nalang natin sa name na Denver. So, si Denver sabi n'ya sakin, rant ng rant daw si Carl sa kaniya, palagi raw galit and yung na memention na name always is kay Van. Nagalit ako dun because what rights does he have? Bakit n'ya binabadmouth si Van? I never failed to reassure him about my relations to other guys kahit hindi pa kami. Hindi ko nga ako once nag talk bad about sa mga babae na sinesend n'ya sakin kahit sometimes sobrang close na nila and I dont even know kung ano sila.

So ayun, nagalit ako kasi I've put up with him for so long kahit hindi naman talaga siya genuine sa akin. Tapos gan'yan siya sa mga friends ko? Nakaka-turn off siya honestly. The thought of talking to him about it crosses my mind sometimes, pero napapaisip nalang ako na 'wag na. He doesn't admit to his mistakes, he makes excuses for himself. I'm honestly fed up na. Since Thursday pa kami hindi nag-uusap, hindi ako nag reply because while I was talking to him, he apparently was talking to other girls aswell and may tampo-tampo effect pa sila sa notes nila na para bang hindi ko nakikita. I didn't reply because I didn't want to talk to someone na parang nagrereply lang for the sake of replying. I didn't feel his presence kaya hinayaan ko nalang muna siya. I deleted instagram last Saturday and I'm not sure if nag message ba s'ya. I'm not gonna check kasi alam ko it'll just be the same.

I don't care if he tells his friends that I'm a ghoster. Wala akong pake kung gawin n'ya akong masama sa narrative n'ya. Isa lang masasabi ko and that is, I'M DONE. This is already his second chance yet wala pa ring nagbago.

I'm young and I shouldn't have these type of problems, bruh. Panira.

(You can share your thoughts kahit brutally honest yan and not in my favor. I honestly don't know anymore if valid pa ba tong nafifeel ko)