mm i don't have a lot to say tonight. actually, there's a lot i'd want to say or could say, but i also want to go to bed soon and get enough sleep. i'm gonna be locked in tomorrow, accomplishing so much homework. i'm kind of falling behind in my classes right now, but i'll be back soon enough

just one assignment at a time

ok, i'll just say one thing. a part of me feels like, as well as most posts relating to these sentiments, that i should practice acceptance about not being able to pass as a woman physically. not having the ability to look like a woman doesn't really bother me too much, especially since i'm a guy (yeah yeah i know). but like, i hear about people encouraging others to find acceptance in their appearance and physical, "aesthetic limitations." but a deeper part of me doesn't want to seek acceptance. a part more fundamental to my identity in my opinion doesn't want to accept that i guess i'll look like a man 100% and will never look like a woman. why am i even talking about this? why do i act like i even want to look like a woman? i make it sound like i'm over here distressed about not looking like a woman. i kind of dug myself in a hole here because denial just sounds more guilty. i've done that on multiple occasions with these posts. idk why. i kind of just emulate what i see trans people say and hyperfocus on what few similarities i have with trans people. ugh, i hate how i sound right now. i hate the tone i'm speaking with. i obviously sound sus and purposefully distancing myself from trans people. and it's true that i really see myself as a guy, but like, i really don't know why i sound like this and talk about stuff like this online on reddit. outside of reddit and i guess the fact i'm on hrt for aesthetic reasons, my life has nothing to do with being trans or a woman or anything like that. me as a woman sounds goofy. i can't even imagine it, genuinely. because i am a man. i am a sleepy man