Rejection and Isolation?

I’ve been realizing how much rejection affects me, and I don’t think I fully understood it until now. The hardest part is… it’s not all in my head. There have been real moments where people distanced themselves from me, betrayed and abandoned me. Especially when I’m not “on,” when I’m not masking, when I’m not the happy, easy, fun version of myself. I’ve felt that shift. I’ve seen people pull away. And I’ve been through real abandonment before.

Sometimes something small happens-someone’s energy feels off, they don’t respond how I expected, or something just feels different-and my mind immediately goes to:

“They’re pulling away”

“They don’t want me around”

“I need to disappear before it gets worse”

I isolate.

I recently deactivated my socials.

I pull back from everyone.

And in the moment, it feels like I’m protecting myself. Like I’m taking control before I can get hurt.

But then it turns into this cycle where:

I isolate → feel alone → start overthinking → feel rejected → isolate even more

And being off social media has been weird for me too. Because part of me feels like I’m protecting my peace… but another part of me feels like I’ve disappeared. Like I don’t exist unless I’m “on” and being seen. And I hate even feeling like that, but it’s real.

I think what makes it harder is not really having a solid support system. Not having family I can lean on. So when I pull away, there’s no one really there to ground me or remind me that everything isn’t what my mind is making it out to be. So it just becomes me… in my own head… trying to figure out what’s real and what’s not.

And that’s exhausting. Trying not to assume every shift means something about me. But it’s hard when you’ve experienced enough real rejection and betrayal to make everything feel real.

Just wondering if anyone else struggles with this?