Breakup due to her grief + life circumstances…how do I make sense of this?

My ex (25F) of almost 3 years broke up with me (28M) about a month ago. The last few months were long distance, and this was a serious relationship — we had met each other’s families and were quite integrated into each other’s lives.

The reason for the breakup wasn’t loss of love. Her mom has a terminal illness, she’s been dealing with a lot of grief, and she’s also in the middle of her master’s program halfway around the world. She told me she felt overwhelmed and didn’t have the capacity to show up in the relationship anymore. She said she just wanted to “exist and not do anything for anyone.” At one point she also said, “I don’t know if this is right, but it feels necessary for me.”

We had a pattern where I would get anxious and seek reassurance, and she would feel overwhelmed and withdraw. I can now see how that might have added pressure on her when she was already struggling.

We tried taking a break once, but I couldn’t handle it well, and when we got back together, things didn’t improve. Eventually she said if we continued, we would keep hurting each other.

She also said she hopes I would be open to reconciling again in the future, which has made things harder for me. It gives me hope, but also keeps me stuck. How do I move on?

Right now we are no contact. She mentioned that if I couldn't show up as a partner, I could show up as a friend, but honestly I am in emotional pain from the break up and need to stabilise before I can even show up as a friend.

I’m struggling with a few things:

• I understand why she ended it, but it still hurts a lot
• I keep thinking about what she’s doing, how she’s feeling, if she’s moving on
• Some days I feel okay, other days it feels like day 1 again
• A part of me is still holding onto hope we might reconnect when things settle
• Another part of me is scared that even if we do, I won’t be able to trust it again

It’s confusing to hold both:
“I understand her situation” and “this hurt me deeply”

Has anyone been through something similar where the breakup was more about circumstances than lack of love?

Did you ever reconnect later? Or how did you actually move forward without getting stuck in that “maybe someday” feeling?

Would really appreciate hearing others’ experiences.