Nobody will ever know how much Golden means to me

(nsfw brief self harm mention)

I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing that song. K-pop Demon Hunters this and wah wah. Okay fine — especially if you have younger family members or the memes or whatever.

I first watched the movie a smidge before the hype happened. And I loved it. I just shrugged off people talking about it on Tiktok. Eventually I caved and watched it.

The lyrics maybe a lot of people don't get nor care to know. For a quick summary by my relations, I was used for income and very heavily manipulated until I didn't realize too late — plus borderline forced shut in by my parent.

The declining health and inevitable death of my narcissistic parent , and other stuff done to make me a socially indept adult after their passing ( such as never teaching me basics on ANYTHING ) was and always has been a spiral of emotions. Not only will I never get closure, but I just have to deal with the circumstances of cripplingly behind at life.

In any case, through the thick and then I managed to have cracks of self confidence. Self harm I gatekept alone and nobody ever helped me through to. I was and still am finding myself little by little.

I want my 'patterns' in the past. And finally live 'like the girl they all see'. And I love dancing my own silly dance to it. I love singing it aloud and grinning because it's like sunshine is helping me heal in the worst parts nobody will ever see.