that, i should open my heart and lose you all the same. the despair was so whole, so i said one last prayer to God: "i give up on myself" and then drowned. you could not know it now from my face because i have since felt a sincere happiness that is without heart,

an unconnected emptiness that is light, untethered, and without hope. it is a great sin, but i have finally given in and it truly is relief. only then did God asked me to not harden my heart, but it was too late, much too late for me. i feel no grief, either, for what may have been. i feel nothing, instead.