i think i’m falling in love with this girl, but i’m too afraid to tell her.

the title is so corny and something you’d hear from some stupid book, but it’s true. however, this is a bit different. i met this girl online (i know. my friends give me enough shit for it already) and we hit it off right away. we started off as friends because we were both getting through our own breakups. her ex cheated on her, and my ex just up and left me after 9 months because she “didn’t think we’d last this long”. so, pretty traumatic for both of us. anyway, we’ve been talking for about 7 months now. the first three months consisted of playful flirting, and getting to know each other better as friends. around the four month mark, i admitted to her that i had feelings for her, and i wanted to give things a try.

here’s the thing: i live in brazil. i grew up in florida, and she’s from georgia, which wouldn’t be a problem at all, but unfortunately i had to move to brazil for college. so, you can only imagine how hard this is for both of us. i have a visa, which is expired and since donald trump’s relations with the brazilian president isn’t great right now, renewing it isn’t really an option. that’s not the point. we’ve discussed meeting, and agreed to split the fares, and that she will stay with me when she comes so she won’t have to pay for a hotel, or transportation. whatever, whatever.

i think i genuinely am falling in love with him. a while ago, around the six month mark, i told her that, and she freaked out. she told me she was starting to feel it too, but the i later found out she lied and only said it because she felt pressured to. which, i understand, but it sucked to hear anyway. i told her that information while i was drunk, so i just used that as an excuse and told her that i didn’t really mean it like that and that i was drunk. but i did mean it. i still do. she’s the sweetest girl ever, and she genuinely deserves the world, and i just want to say that to her but i can’t. i don’t want to freak her out again and make her push me away. and i would wait to tell her this in person, but i have no idea when i’m meeting her.

i feel so strongly about this, and i wish i didn’t. things would be easier. i’ve thought about ending things because of the distance and how complicated all of it is, but i can’t. i just can’t. i wholeheartedly believe she is perfect, and the more i talk to her the more i feel myself falling in love. it is terrifying. i’m stuck between letting it happen and risking it not even working out, and just ditching this whole thing and getting a head start moving on. but i know that’d be shitty.

there’s a lot more to this story, but this is already too long. i’m not looking for sympathy, i know i got myself into this situation, i just needed to say something to anyone.