Last night we had to say goodbye to our first fur baby Newton. What started as a routine check up turned into X-rays/ultrasounds. We saw a radiologist 2 days ago, they confirmed there were many enlarged lymph nodes and a mass growing on his spleen. Cytology came back Saturday afternoon and he was diagnosed with aggressive high-grade metastasis from a mast cell tumor. His prognosis was days to weeks.

Saturday morning before the results, he had energy to go on his morning walk with my dad. Just them two. He took my dad to his favorite hill in our neighborhood. Based on how he was, we thought we had months at least. We were working on getting his appetite back and were planning to put him on Prednisone to give some quality of life back so he can enjoy his favorite things. It pained me to see him refuse to eat his favorite food and treats. After the results, given the severity of his disease and him not eating, we had to start planning our goodbyes.

Saturday evening, he managed to go on one last short walk with the family. He walked us back to his favorite hill. And I just had a feeling… As we walked, every few steps he would look back and check to make sure no one was left behind (he’s done this his whole life). Even during his last moments, he wanted us all to walk in front of him. Otherwise, he would wait until everyone caught up. After the walk, all he wanted to do was lay in the grass in the backyard. And I knew.

Within the hour, something in him changed and we had to take him to the ER. I didn’t think it would be so soon. I was hoping his last moments and goodbyes would be at home, but I didn’t want him to suffer. I know that we made the right decision at the right time for him, albeit an extremely heart-wrenching decision.

So much has happened so fast. His health declined so rapidly within 24 hours. The last 48 hours felt like 5 days. It’s been a lot, especially since I’ve been the one talking to the doctors and trying not to fall apart because I knew decisions had to be made quickly. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he’s no longer here. I keep expecting to see him when I’m walking around the house. I feel waves of sadness. I haven’t cried since the ER. It feels so wrong and unfair to keep moving forward with life. I feel like I’m leaving Newton behind. I keep replaying those last moments in my head because I don’t ever want to forget. Trying to hold onto whatever I have left.

It was the week my sister decided to visit home, I had just wrapped up a busy month of work, and my parents were getting ready to leave for vacation next week. It almost feels like he waited for all of us to be together.

We love you and miss you so much Newton. We couldn’t have asked for a more perfect dog. 7 years and 8 months was too short. We had so many adventures to go on and things to experience together. ❤️‍🩹  I’m so grateful to our vet who worked off-hours to help us. All of the stories people have shared here about pet loss, I feel so deeply for you. Thank you so much for this space to share ❤️


Last walk with our golden boy